Pretend You Don't Love Her
by The Soul Piper
Summary: She could have fallen for anyone. Why did it have to be someone so out of her reach? What happens when Miranda gets caught inbetween a feud that may cost her either the love or friendship of a lifetime? FEMSLASH!
1. Meeting Jessica

**A/N: I just thought that I should remind everyone that this is a slash. If you're against some good old homosexual lovin', I suggest you read something else.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.**

I vaguely remember it. I must have been about five years old when I came rushing down the stairs that morning. I just had to see her. The whip. The outfit. Everything. I remember how even though I didn't really follow the plot, I loved watching "Batman", just so I could see the beautiful Catwoman. Ok, so I know that that it's kind of weird to have a crush on a cartoon character, let alone a woman dressed as a cat, but I was _five_. I didn't know any better.

My television crushes didn't stop there, though. I had moved on to realer, hotter girls. Jeannie, from, of course, "I Dream of Jeannie", Kimberly and Katharine- the first two pink power rangers, Buffy the vampire slayer. _That_ one took out a good five years of my life.

The thing is, though, that's all television. Those are people who either don't exist in real life, have aged dramatically since I was a kid, or are _way_ too famous to ever give me a second glace. I don't have to worry about ever meeting them in public. I don't have to worry about _anything_, really. I just keep all of these thoughts in my head, where nobody can judge me. Nobody could ever guess who I _really_ was, and I was never going to tell. I wouldn't dream of ever telling anyone. Of course, that was before I met her…

-

I turned the volume up on my discman as loud as it could go as I continued to walk over to my best friend's house. I started to bang my head as the loud music filled my ears. If there was any music on this earth better than emo, I hadn't heard of it. The walkwent by faster that I thought it would, and before I knew it, I was standing at Lizzie's front door.

"Hey," She greeted me. I saw her wince as her ears took in the sound from my blaring headphones. "Miranda, do you think that you could turn that down just a bit?" She really hated a lot of the stuff I listened to.

"Sure," I said. Reluctantly, I turned the volume down, but not enough for it not to be heard from a distance.

"Lizzie, there's no more sugar," A voice called out. It wasn't familiar, and I wondered who my friend had over so early in the morning. Normally, I was the only non-McGuire that could be found there at this time of day.

Lizzie rolled her eyes in irritation. "Maybe that's because you _wasted_ it in your Froot Loops for breakfast yesterday. Or maybe it's because you put a good bit of it in you're ice cream sandwich for dessert, last night."

My eyes widened. It was very rear to see Lizzie that irritated. I could see a figure from down the hall heading towards the doorway where we stood. My heart skipped a beat as I saw the gorgeousness standing there beside Lizzie. With all those TV crushes, I thought I already knew what beauty was. I didn't realize how wrong I was until I saw her step into the light.

"You seem kind of pissed, Lizzie. What's…up…" the girls voice trailed off when she noticed me standing there. "Hello…" she said after kind of a long pause. "I'm Jessica Nalé, Lizzie's cousin. I'm staying here for the summer." She extended her hand for me. I looked into her deep green eyes and felt something weird happening in my stomach. In my nervousness, I fumbled for a bit with my discman before shaking hands with her.

"M…Miranda Sanchez." I wanted to slap myself for that slightly embarrassing introduction. For a few seconds, no words were spoken. Jessica then started to bob her head to the song I was listening to.

"Oh my God," she said with excitement. "I love this song!"

"No way, you listen to Brand New?" I asked in shock. It was hard to find people with the same taste in music as me.

"Only everything they've ever made! _The tickle, the taste of…It used to be the reason I breathed but now it's chocking me up…"_

"_Die young and save yourself!"_ I chimed in. I was impressed that she knew the words, and that I actually sang along too, considering how I could barely shake her hand a minute earlier.

"Great, we have another _Jessica_ on our hands, as if_one_ weren't enough." Lizzie said in a rude tone. "You want to do something today? Me you and Gordo?" she asked.

"What about your cousin?"

"You know what, I…it's ok," Jessica said, feeling that her presence would be unwanted. "I can hang out with Matt, or find some other kids in the neighborhood."

"Got that right," Lizzie said under her breath."

"No come on. It'll be fun. Besides, you don't want to spend your time with Matt. He might rub off on you," I said.

"I don't want to intrude…"

"You won't. Just hang with us. You'll like it!"

**A/N: Sorry if anyone thought that I posted a new chapter. I actually just wanted to test someting out, so I took off the first chapter of this story, corrected some of the mistakes and put it back on. I just want to find out once and for all if I'll loose my reviews by editing my work. Thanks to anyone who reviewd this chapter the first time and if what you wrote to me gets deleted, I'm very sorry. **


	2. Passions: the movie

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I do, however, own Jessica Nale. **

Lizzie couldn't stop herself from laughing, even though she thought it was gross. "Don't you think you have enough condiments on that hot dog?" Her, Jessica and Gordo looked down and saw my hand dripping with ketchup, mustard, relish…pretty much everything that you could put on a hotdog.

"Well, I paid 2.50 for it. I might as well get a lot for _that_ kind of price." The vendor gave me a weird look. I smiled at him before ignoring him completely. I licked off a part of my hand, as if it did any good. "Needs more pickles!"

"How are you so thin?" Gordo asked.

"It's a gift, I suppose," I replied.

"Looks good," Jessica said as she began to scoop change out of her pocket. "I'll take one."

"See, why can't you guys have the balls to try something new, like her?" I asked. While Gordo made a face just _thinking_ about eating the messy hotdog, Lizzie rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, Jessica has a _lot_ of things," She said to herself, just loud enough for all of us to hear her.

I began to wonder what had gotten into her. I wasn't used to seeing her so bitchy. It definitely had something to do with Jessica, since she seemed to be the focus of all her rude comments. I wanted to ask what was going on, but I was afraid that she might snap at me. Instead, I decided to change the subject.

"So, what should we do next?" I asked.

"We could go see a movie," Gordo suggested.

"Fun. I'm in," Jessica said. She was in the middle of pouring ketchup on her hotdog.

"Here, let me help you with that," I offered, noticing that she was doing it all wrong. "I'm an expert on super messy hotdogs." I held her hand as she continued to pour, guiding her along the hotdog. I can't remember what the softest thing I'd ever felt in my life was, but I knew it could never compare to the feeling of her tanned skin. I wasn't sure, but for a second there, I could have sworn that we were both having a moment. I was quick to shake the thought away. "You know, not too many people realize the skill that's needed to properly dress a hotdog with toppings?" I asked, trying so desperately to make conversation.

"Really?" Jessica asked, sounding rather fascinated.

"I guess that's why the ketchup has been dripping onto your shoes for the past 15 seconds," Gordo interrupted.

"Huh?" I looked down and saw that my feet were a mess.

"Ok, you guys have wasted enough. Get out of here!" The vendor yelled.

"Wow, that guy is mean," said Jessica.

"That's the last time I ever shop at _that_ establishment," I said, trying to sound all important. "So, how about that movie?"

-

The movie had been playing for about 5 minutes by the time we walked in. We were lucky to fin 4 empty seats available since the theater was so packed.

"After you," I said politely to Lizzie. I would have gone to sit next, but I had to juggle with the drinks and snacks.

"Here, let me help you, Miranda," Jessica said to me. Her eyes locked on mine after we both tried to grab the falling bag of licorice.

"Oops," I said. I finally broke eye contact to pick it up. When I stood up, I saw that Gordo had taken my seat. It was for the best, I figured. The further away Lizzie had to sit from her cousin, the better. I went to sit down next, that way Jessica was on the end.

The movie was boring and I could almost see my attention span dissipating before my eyes. It was a terrible idea to make a soap opera into a movie. Anything good I ever said about "Passions", I took back. I thought that something filled with so much drama would be a bit more entertaining.

"_I'm on death row for a crime I didn't commit," _said Eve_. "Julian you have to save me!"_

"_I will, but first, I have a shocking and unexpected confession to make. I'm not Julian. I'm none other than Antonio Lopez-Fitzgerald," _he said after pulling off his mask

"Oh my God, I never saw that coming. I'm so excited. This movie is definitely worth the 8.50 we paid," I said with no enthusiasm.

"_But Antonio, I thought you were dead!"_

"_Wasn't I, Eve? Wasn't I?"_

"_Yes…yes you were. I remember"_

"_Oh…wow…(coughs) Well, uh….this is awkward…"_

"Could this movie be any lamer?" I whispered to Jessica.

"I don't want to stick around and find out. You know what?" She looked over at Gordo and Lizzie who looked barely conscious. "I think I had a bit too much to drink. I'm going to go to the bathroom…for a _really_ long time…a long, _long_ time."

I could tell that she was hinting for me to come with her. I don't know why I went. I mean, yes, the movie _was_ boring beyond reason, but knew that Lizzie would have been more ticked off if she woke up and found us gone. I think it was because I looked at her and found I couldn't refuse her, even if I _really_ wanted to. How do you say no to somebody like her?

"So…" I said nervously once we were in the washroom. The awkwardness came back and I felt like I had felt that morning when I had just met her.

"So…" she said back. "The…the washroom is nice!" Was she nervous too, I wondered. Not really a good conversation, but I took it.

"Yeah. They're very clean."

"Clean washrooms kick ass!"

"Totally…definitely. I agree with you." How stupid am I? I couldn't talk this way around _every_ girl that made me giddy. Then again, I never thought I could get _close_ enough to one of those girls. Jessica was definitely close, I noticed. My temporary lack of social skills didn't seem to turn her away for me. In fact…

God, how much trouble would I be in? I wondered. What if she woke up? What if she woke up and came in here. How freaked out would Lizzie be if she walked in and found me kissing her cousin?

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews so far, you guys. I really appreciate them. **


	3. Words escape me

I had to see her. My body wouldn't let me rest…I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't go to see her. It was extremely late and I was sure that everyone would be asleep by now, but Jessica was on my mind and that was enough to make me go over there.

After I went to the backyard, I grabbed a few tiny rocks and hurled them at Lizzie's window, trying not to wake up the rest of the family. My sleepy-eyed best friend poked her head out.

"Miranda?" she squinted to get a better view of me. "What are you doing here?"

I didn't think this far ahead. Of course Lizzie would want to know what I'm doing here. Why didn't I think about this?

"Um…I just wanted to talk," I told her.

"Did you want to talk to me?"

I didn't wan to tell her the, but how _else_ was I supposed to see her? "Actually, Lizzie, I...I came here to talk to Jessica. Is she up?" It kind of hurt me to see the look on her face. I didn't mean to be so rude.

"Oh," she said quietly. "She's downstairs watching TV." Lizzie looked away and let out a sigh as she softly said, "I'll tell her you want her."

I went around to the front of the house to meet her at the door.

"Hey," Jessica said excitedly when she came outside to join me.

"Hello," I said with a squeaky voice. I inwardly cursed myself for being such a dork around her.

"I'm really glad you came. I missed you so much…I mean, I know it's only been a few hours, but I wanted to see you."

"Me too," I told her. "Um, there something I wanted to talk about. Do you mind if we go out back?"

"No problem."

I followed her to the backyard where we had more privacy and sat down on the bench.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Jessica asked.

_Why does she have to be so gorgeous?_ I asked myself, realizing that things weren't going to be as easy as I thought they would be. My tongue was tied in a knot and in my mind, I could see the English language rapidly slipping away from me. I almost thought that I could take flight with all the butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.

"Benches," I blurted out, suddenly.

"Huh?" Jessica stared at me with the most confused look on her face.

"The bench. Glorious invention, that."

"Miranda, you came all the way here to talk to me about benches?"

"Yes?" I half asked and half answered, hoping that she would buy it.

"I don't believe you. Tell me what you _really_ wanted to talk about," Jessica said as she moved closer to me.

_Just say it_, I told myself. I highly doubted that rejection would come, after that amazing kiss, but it was still hard to ask.

"I j…just wanted t…to know if…" _God, this is taking a long time. It's torture!_ I was scared as hell now, and she could see it. Jessica placed her hand in mine in an almost futile attempt to calm my nerves. I slowly felt myself begin to relax…like her touch was all I needed. I rested my head on her shoulder as a comfortable silence swept over us.

After a moment, Jessica spoke. "You know, the fair is in town. I was thinking that maybe we could go…just us two."

I looked up at her, smiling at the idea of being alone with her. "I'd like that," I said before putting my head back down to rest.

"Then it's a date."

**A/N: K, I know that was short, but hey, it's me! What did you expect? I haven't posted in a while and I can't even promise that I'll post again soon. I find I rarely follow through, so I might as well just not say anything. I hope you all liked that chapter.**


	4. Four's a crowd

The world around us filled with screams and chatter, not that it mattered. All we could really focus on was each other.

"I can't believe I went on that rollercoaster. It was insane," I said.

"You should have seen your face. It was priceless," Jessica joked.

"Oh, like yo_u_rs was much better."

"What did I look like?"

I opened her mouth wide and stretched out my forehead as if I were terrified. "A little something like that," I said.

"Really, was I _that_ cute?"

"Oh, you were much cuter than that," I said, playfully as I moved closer. Her breath on my skin was warm and hair-raising. I could feel the goosebumps arriving. Our eyes slowly began to close we brought our heads nearer. Jessica's arms wrapped around my hips, pulling me in to her. Everything was so incredibly perfect…

"Miranda? Jessica? What are you guys doing?"

We quickly broke apart and were horrified to see that Gordo and Lizzie were standing there, wondering what was going on. I began to search my mind for the best of excuses, but found absolutely nothing.

Suddenly, Jessica stepped forward. "I was just…checking…to see if there was something in her eye. Duh!" She rolled her eyes.

"But, _your_ eyes were closed too." Gordo said.

"Yeah, try to explain _that_ one." Lizzie crossed her arms over her chest with attitude.

What's her problem, I wondered.

"That's the way we do it back home," Jessica said through nervous laughter. "Someone gets something in theirs eyes, you close your _own_ eyes and…see if…it's gone?"

It was clear the even _she_ knew what she was saying didn't make sense. I finally stepped in to put an end to the moment.

"So what are you two doing here?" I asked.

"I don't know. I guess this just seemed like a cool place to go today," said Gordo.

"Yeah, we were going to invite you, _Miranda_, but we couldn't get a hold of you. I had no clue you were hanging out with _her_." Lizzie gave Jessica the evil eye.

"Well since we found each other anyways, why don't we just stick together? Oh, I saw this cool ride back there; it takes you all the way up in the air and then drops you in, like, two seconds flat." Gordo was getting really excited about this.

Jessica and I exchanged glances. This was supposed to be our first date, but what else could we _do_?

"Sure," I said. "That sounds like fun."

Hours later, the day still felt like it was never going to end. We had gone on so many rides and played so many games, but none of them were the least bit enjoyable. Not with _them_ there. I just wanted to be alone with Jessica. It didn't have to be somewhere _special_. We just had to be together.

I subtly whispered something in Jessica's ear. When I pulled away, I winked at her and she winked back.

"Oh my god, what on earth is that?" I pointed at some random object. Lizzie and Gordo turned around to see what it was. At that point, Jessica and I took off in two different directions. How we were going to explain it to them later on was far beyond us, but we didn't exactly care at that moment.

Minutes later, I looked over my shoulders as I went in line for the farris wheel. "Come on, come on," I whispered. The line began to move.

"Excuse me, Ma'am. You need to have a partner to get on this ride," said the pimply-faced boy who worked there.

"I, um…" I stared.

"I'm with her," Jessica shouted. She gently pushed her way past the crown and made it to where I stood. We showed the stamps on our hands to get on the ride and another worker ushered us to our seat.

Once where were up in the air, we could see the whole park. The setting sun's reflection could be seen on the lake. It was beautiful, but blinding. Still, I continued to look down and smile.

"We did it," I said. "We're alone."

"Finally," said Jessica. She smoothly rubbed a hand on my cheek and brought my lips to hers. "I've wanted to do that all day," she said after we pulled away.

"I know what you mean. It was total _torture_, having to stay away from you. You know, no one has eve made me feel like this," I told her.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm going to go _insane_ if I'm not around them." I looked into the perfect green eyes that were looking into mine."Like nothing else matters when I'm _with_ them…

She covered my lips with hers again and I allowed myself to get lost. Just like the night before, I rested my head on her shoulder. She wrapped an arm around me.

"I'm sorry the date wasn't as good as I thought it'd be, but you know what?" she asked.

"What?"

"We could always go on another date to make up for it. What do you think?"

"I'd like that," I answered with a smile.

And so we sat on the ride in silence, enjoying the time we were having, watching the world go up and down and up again.

**A/N: I told you I didn't know when the next time I would post was. I hope you all like the chapter, though. I'm not making any promises, but I'll _try_ to get chapter 5 up in the near future. **


	5. Why It Bothers Her

**A/N: I would really like to apologize if you find more mistakes in this than usual. My computer got rebooted yesterday and I lost Microsoft word, so now I have to use the other program that doesn't have spell check or anything like that until I can afford to buy another disk, or find the reinstallation disk. If this chapter is too bad, I will take it off.**

It had quickly turned into the greatest summer of my life. After the fair, Jessica and I arranged to go out the next night. This time, far from Lizzie and Gordo. She was to arrive at my house at eight p.m. and take me away from the city to a place where no one could find us. I was almost bursting with excitement when I thought about what we would be doing.

I searched through my closet, trying to pick out an outfit that said that I wanted to look _good_, but not _too_ good. I didn't want Jessica to think I was some little kid trying way to hard to impress her. After moments of arguing for and against outfits, I finally decided to go for the black hip-huggers and maroon tank top. I went to my mirror. "Up or down?" I asked myself. I wasn't sure what to do with my hair. I scooped it into my hands and looked at my reflection left and right to see how a ponytail would look with my outfit. It was alright, but I thought down would look better for the night. Using my comb, I parted my hair towards one side, then I curled the front so that it flipped towards the back. I reached for my stick of cherry flavored lip gloss that was on my dresser and applied some. I smacked my lips and gave myself one last look in the mirror. "Perfect," I said.

"Miranda, you have a visitor," I heard my mom call up to me.

I took a look at my clock. 7:50? I wasn't expecting Jessica to be so early, but it was ok. I was ready and excited to see her. "Send her up," I said. Before she had a chance to see me, I unneccesarily smoothed down my hair, just trying to look my best for her.

There was a knock at my bedroom door. "Come in, Jes..." I trailed off when I saw the blonde girl poke her head in. "Lizzie?" What was _she _doing here?

"Hey, Miranda. I just rented this movie and I thought that maybe we could watch..." Her eyes looked up and down my body for a moment. "Um...you look really nice. Were you planning on going somewhere?"

"N...no. What on earth would give you _that_ idea?" I asked nervously.

Lizzie started to slowly walk closer to me. With every step she took in my direction, I took a step back until I was on my bed. She sniffed the air. "Are you wearing perfume?"

"Maybe," I replied, not looking in her direction. It was useless, I realized, to pretend that I was staying home tonight. "Ok, look, I'm going out." I broke the news to her.

She sat next to me on the edge of my bed. Her cheeks—her whole face, even her _eyes _from tearing up, went rosey red. Lizzie's eyes looked down to her hands as they rested on her lap. "With Jessica?" she asked in a saddened tone.

I didn't want to hurt her, but what else was I _supposed _to say? With the same saddened tone in return, I confirmed her fears. "With Jessica."

Lizzie looked up, anywhere but at me as she wiped away tears from her eyes. I didn't expect it to bother her _this_ much. Why do you guys spend so much time together?" she asked me.

"We don't spend _that_ much time together," I lied.

She finally looked at me, head tilted to the side, telling me that I had to be kidding. "What about the movies? I know you both left. And what about when you came to my house at night. You didn't even want to _talk _you me. All you wanted to do was see _Jessica_. Don't even get me _started _on yesterday. What was _that _all about? You guys totally ditched us and y...you did it on purpose a...and..." she faltered, looking away from me again. "Miranda...d...did I do something wrong?"

"What?" I asked, completely surprised by this "Of _course _you didn't do anything wrong." I pulled her into a hug and gently patted her on the back. "Why would you think that, Lizzie? You're my best friend."

"I don't know, I guess it's because it seems like we never spend time together anymore and your more interested in being with Jessica and I just can't see what you _see _in that girl. She's just so...uggh!" she said in frustration.

I let go of her and looked at her. "What do you mean, 'uggh'? If there's something here that's hard to _see_, it's how you can hate your cousin so much. She's amazing," I said, in Jessica's defense.

"Shows what _you _know," Lizzie mumbled to herself.

"I've had it! What is going _on _between the two of you? Why do you hate her so much?" I asked.

"Why do you _like _her so much?" she asked in return.

I wasn't just about to tell her how I truly felt about the girl. It was far too private. "I just _do_, ok?"

"No!" Lizzie shook her head. "No, it's not ok. I want to know, Miranda. What is going on between you two?"

"I do _not _need this right now. Why is my friendship with your cousin such a problem?"

"Like _you _care," Lizzie said under her breath. I still heard her, though.

"I _do _care. If I'm involved, then I would really like to know what's going on. Why does it bother you that I'm good friends with your cousin?"

"You want to know why it bothers me so much? Because...because of this..."

Lizzie collected me into her arms and pressed her lips hard against mine with passion, bringing my body as close to hers as possible. This can't be happening, I thought as I struggled to break free. I finally shook myself away from her.

"What the hell was that?" I yelled, wiping my lips with the back of my hand.

"It bothers me because I'm in love with you Miranda."


	6. Guilty

**A/N/Disclaimer: The song used in this chapter is "New Years Project" by Further Seems Forever. I find the gloominess of it really sets the mood toward the end. If you can, I suggest downloading it and playing it in the background because I'm a depressing freak like that.**

My heart began to beat at the speed of light as Lizzie came at me again, this time making herself more clear. She wanted me and she let me know this when she kissed me again with much more intensity than the first time. I tried to back away from the girl, but she only moved _with_ me, making every step I took away from her fruitless.

With all my muscle, I pushed her off of me, causing her to trip backwards over her own feet and land on my bed.

"Lizzie, no," I said firmly. I didn't mean for it to sound as if I were trying to control a pet.

Moist-eyed and red-faced, she brought her head up from the pile of rejected clothes that had been lying on my bed to look at me. "I...I bet you like it when _she_ kisses you. When she…" Lizzie said, her voice slowly breaking down into nothing.

"That's totally different, Lizzie. I actually _like_ Jessica!" Oh, damn, I thought as I realized how rude that came out. I covered my mouth. I wanted to take it back. It was true, in a sense, but I knew that she was going to take it the wrong way.

Lizzie buried her head back into my clothes pile.

"I didn't mean it like that," I said as I walked over to my bed to try and comfort her. I tried to get her to sit up. I wanted to hug her, but she wouldn't budge. She just lied there, limp. I quickly scooted as close to her as possible and tilted my body to lean against hers. It was the only position I could think of that would allow me to embrace her. "Lizzie, you know I didn't mean it like that. Of course, I like you. I love you…as a friend. You're my best friend." I assured her.

Lizzie changed her position so that she on her back. I was quick to get up, afraid that being so close to her face would make her kiss me again.

"No I'm not," Lizzie said, to my surprise. She sat up. "How dare you even say that I'm your best friend when it's all too clear that Jessica as replaced me? How can you say that you love me, even if it's only as a friend, but continue to hurt me like this?" Lizzie yelled.

It was only when I felt something like warm rain fall onto my chest that I realized I was crying. I looked down to see a few black streaks making their way down to my tank top and wiped them away before tending to my eyes.

"Miranda, Your friend is here," My mother called up to me.

Jessica. I assumed that's who she meant.

I looked at my mascara-stained hands and went to my mirror.

"Better clean yourself up," Lizzie said, with fake concern. "You don't want to look bad for your _friend_." And then she was gone. She made sure to slam the door on her way out.

I took a deep breath in and out. "Breathe, Miranda. Breathe. Don't let her bother you," I told myself. I didn't want to be miserable on my date. This was _my_ night. It was mine and no one had the right to take it away from me. I quickly reapplied my make up and went downstairs.

Jessica stood there at my door, looking as gorgeous as ever. The back of her hair was left down, while the front was tied back with the exception of two locks that poured down just past her shoulders. She wore a loose-fitting pair of black pants, a long-sleeved white shirt with a navy blue t-shirt over it and a black sweater lazily thrown on above. She was so hot, even when it looked like she couldn't have cared less.

"We're going out. I'll be home later. Don't call. Bye, Mom," I said as fast as I could so that I could leave the house with no questions asked.

Jessica speedily backed out of the driveway, understanding that I wanted to leave as soon as possible.

"Thanks," I said.

She smiled, keeping her eyes on the road. "No problem."

I rested my head up against the window. No one had said anything in a few minutes. I watched as cars quickly went by. We were on the highway now. I wondered where, exactly, Jessica was going to take me.

"So," she began, "what did Lizzie want? I mean, what was up with her? She ran down the stairs and just blew right past me in tears."

"I don't know," I lied. "That girl has been acting weird all summer. It could be _anything_." I spoke without even looking away from the window. I knew that I could never lie to Jessica to her face. That beautiful, perfect face…

The car got off of the highway and traveled straight down an empty road. After a few more minutes of driving, we stopped in a vacant field that looked like it was millions of miles away from the rest of the universe.

"You drove me all the way to an empty field, Jessica?" I asked in disbelief. It wasn't that I _hated_ it. It just wasn't what I was expecting. Then again, I really wasn't sure _what_ I was expecting.

"Well, I told you I was going to take you to a place where no one would find us, didn't I?" Jessica asked.

"I know," I said.

Jessica turned on the car's CD player and popped the drunk.

"Come on," she said, opening the door. She walked to the trunk of the car and pulled out a bag sodas and sandwiches. Jessica sat on the hood of the car with the food and motioned for me to come join her as soft music began to play

It was one of those nights where the moon was shining extra bright. I could see it flickering in her green eyes, and suddenly, I felt terrible all over again. With the food in between us, I gathered her into my arms, kissing her the way Lizzie had kissed me in my bedroom. Better, actually. I knew, somewhere inside of me, that what happened wasn't my fault. Still, I felt guilty. I felt as if I had cheated on her. I felt like it was written on my forehead, what had happened. Meeting Jessica was the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew that finding out about the kiss was exactly the kind of thing that could cause her to walk out.

She pulled away from me. "Whoa, easy there. You know, if we ever plan to kiss again, I'm going to need my lips on my _face_, right?" Jessica asked after my firm kiss.

"Sorry," I said, burring my face into my knees. You're such an idiot, I though to myself.

"Hey," Jessica said to me.

I lifted my head up and her lips immediately met mine. I loved the way she kissed me. It made me feel better, for a second. But then, the guilt came back. I remembered the way it felt when Lizzie kissed me and suddenly, I felt sick. I began to shiver. Jessica could feel my goose bumps underneath her hands.

"Are you cold?" she asked me.

I nodded, figuring it was the easiest possible answer.

Jessica took off her sweater and threw it over my shoulders. It smelled sweet, like _she_ did. She was so good to me. I didn't deserve her anymore. She reached into the bag and pulled out a sandwich for me.

"Here, eat this," she said. "It's kind of a weird combination, but I like it."

I took a bite of the sandwich. Peanut butter, bananas and sugar. It had been my favorite since kindergarten. "Thank you," I said, half-forcing a smile. Just because I was miserable, didn't mean that I had to make Jessica feel bad _too_.

She handed me a can of soda and took one for herself, we both sat back on the car, eating as the music continued to blast out of the speakers.

_So much to say  
but nothing comes out right  
both of us left without words  
both of us lost in this world  
it's softer than ever before_

As the dreary song played, I looked over at Jessica who was loosing herself in the music after taking my hand into hers. This girl was more than I could ever ask for. I care for her so much and how do I show it? I cheat on her. Well, not really, but we're _dating_. When you date someone, you're not supposed to be in your room kissing their _cousin_. I might not have kissed back or enjoyed it in the least, but there was no denying that kissing took place and it wasn't with Jessica. I squeezed her hand a little bit.

_And you were the outline  
of everything you would become.  
The keeper of these hands.  
To hold you now_

_it is a far cry more than anything that I deserve_

I could see it in my head, in that moment. The hurt look in her eyes as she found out what happened. The way she would cry. She would probably shake her head, not believing that I could do something like that to her.

How could I do this to her? How could Lizzie do this to _me_?

"What's going to happen now?" I whispered to myself. "How do I make this right?"

_I'm waiting to give you whatever the world may bring  
I'd give you my life  
cause I don't own anything._

**A/N: I hope you all liked the chapter 'cause you're not getting anymore! I joke. I joke. Seriously, though, review the hell out of this. I swear I'll update sooner. I'm jus a whore like that. **


	7. The Ultimatum

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Lizzie McGuire.**

I'd like to have just one morning where my mom wasn't standing in the kitchen trying to shove a piece of fruit or some other healthy thing down my throat, I thought as I turned down her breakfast. I just wasn't hungry. She told me to sit down anyways and I found myself wondering why I even came downstairs in the first place.

Reluctantly, I picked up a piece of toast and began to chew on it. Maybe if I did it enough, she'd get off my back. I hated that look she had. The look that told me we needed to talk.

"Miranda," she started.

Oh great, I thought. And here it comes…

"I got a call from Miss McGuire last night. It turns out that Lizzie came home in tears. Now, she's really upset and I just want to know if, maybe, you might have said or done anything to make her cry."

As my mothers words made their way into my ears, I thought about the night before. That bloody kiss just kept coming back into my mind. And those words. 'I'm in love with you, Miranda.' I shuddered at the memory and pushed away my plate.

Standing up from the table, I told my mom exactly what I knew she'd want to hear. "Nothing happened last night. I don't now why she was crying." If only that were true, I thought as I made my way up the stairs and back to bed.

I let out a loud sigh as I pulled the covers over my head. I closed my eyes tight and tried to go back to sleep. Maybe the day would go by faster if I just went back to sleep.

I suddenly felt something. Someone or something was tapping me. I thought I was alone.

I pulled the covers off as I sat up and saw Lizzie sitting on my bed. Behind her was my curtain, blowing in wind because the window has been opened.

"You've gotta be kidding me," I said under my breath. I collapsed back into by bed and closed my eyes again.

"We need to talk about last night, Miranda."

Oh Christ, not now, I thought.

"Talk about what?" I asked, as if I didn't know.

"What else? About what happened last night." On her hands and knees, Lizzie crawled until she was lying next to me and we were both looking at my ceiling. I moved as far away from her as I could with out rolling off the bed.

"Look, nothing happed, ok? I felt nothing," I tried to convince her.

"Are you _sure_ about that?" she asked me, confident that I was wrong.

"What?"

"Well, are you sure that you felt nothing? It looks, to me, like you have a guilty conscience. Did you even _tell_ Jessica about what went on here last night?"

"No. I didn't tell her. It really _did_ slip my mind," I lied. Very little time had gone by where I _wasn't_ thinking about it. But not for the same reasons she had in mind.

"Or maybe it's because you liked it and you feel bad for that."

This caused me to sit up again. "You're insane," I told her "I have a girlfriend." But for how much longer, I wondered.

"I just can't believe you, Miranda. You met this girl, what, four days ago and you're just willing to throw away our friendship for it?" Lizzie took my hand in hers and kissed it. I was just so glad that Jessica wasn't here to see this. "I've known you longer. I know you better. What I feel for you, Miranda, it's real. Jessica will be gone by the end of the summer, but I'll always be here. Do you really want to give up our friendship for the girl?"

I found all of this talk about throwing away—giving up our friendship a bit over the top. "Why do you keep saying that? I know you like me and everything, but I'm with Jessica. I don't see why we can't be friends," I told her.

She let go of my hand, the first right move from her in a while. "You don't get it, do you? Jessica is a bitch and I've had it. This is where I draw the line. You can't be with her and be friends with me at the same time."

I don't know why Jessica had such a strong hold over me. Is it possible to feel so strongly for someone you've only known for a few days? I felt it. This feeling had taken over me so fast and I liked it. No ultimatum could take it away from me.

"So, it's me or her. A girl who's leaving next month, or your best friend in the world."

"For someone who _claims_ to be my best friend, Lizzie, you sure don't know how to _act_ like one. Are you sure you want to make me choose, knowing that you'll be on the losing side?" I crossed my arms over her chest as watched her as her eyes opened wide. She didn't see it coming.

She shook her head. "Unbelievable. I just don't _get_ you anymore."

I got out of bed and pointed to the window, motioning for her to leave. "It's funny, Lizzie. I was about to say the exact same thing."

Lizzie stood up and prepared to climb out the window. I knew she was angry at me. To be honest, I thought that she was just angry for the moment. She'd get over it and things would be right again. That was before she said it to me. The words that sent shivers down my spine and made me terrified. Terrified of her—of what was going to happen next and even _after_ that.

"This isn't over. This isn't going to end well, Miranda. You're going to regret this!"


	8. The Call

I could still hear those words in my mind, fresh as the moment that they were said. What was Lizzie planning? How bad was she going to mess things up between Jessica and I? The relationship was bound to come to an end if what she said was true. 'You're going to regret this!' Those words repeated in my mind and as I mentally played out the possibilities, I couldn't get my mind off the fact that I already _did._

After hours of hesitation, I finally picked up the phone. I decided to attempt to make things right between me and Jessica. I was afraid that if I let any more time pass, Lizzie could fill her head up with all sorts of nonsense that could hurt her, or even actual facts, i.e. the kiss—a fact that would hurt her even _more_.

My palms became moist as listened to the low-pitched ringing, waiting for someone to pick up.

"Hello?"

My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach when I heard that it was Lizzie who answered the phone. I tried to act as if this didn't bother me. I tried to forget about the unpleasant chat we had earlier that morning.

"May I please speak to Jessica?" I asked trying not to sound worried about my relationship.

"Jessica's feeling a little bit under the weather right now," Lizzie said.

I could hear the smile in her voice. She was loving every minute of this. When, exactly, did she become so nasty?

"What did you do," I asked worriedly. In my nervousness, I wrapped the phone cord around my index finger so many times that it was starting to throb and change colour. I made no attempt to unravel myself. I just sat there, my free hand clinging onto the edge on my bed.

For a moment, there was nothing but silence on the other end.

"Oh, I haven't done anything yet. You girlfriend is fine…for now."

I didn't know what I could do to stop her. It's not as if I could call Jessica up and tell her that everything that comes out of Lizzie's mouth is a lie. It didn't really look as if she was going to give up the phone and let me talk to her anytime soon. She was having fun torturing me—being able to decide whether or not my relationship with Jessica survived. She must have felt like some kind of god. She was twisted.

Things weren't looking to good for me, but still, I had to try. "Look, Lizzie, what's it going to take for you to leave us alone and just let what happened die?" I was hoping that maybe if I agreed to spend more time, as friends, with her, her anger would subside.

"You already know what I want," she replied.

"Well that's not going to happen. I want Jessica and no one else," I told her.

"I know her better than you. She's not going to want someone who cheated on her. She's going to be crushed when I tell her what went on. After that, she'll never want to speak to you again."

I was afraid of that.

"M…maybe if I explained to her that you're the one who kissed me, she'll understand." I didn't think that would happen, but it was worth a shot.

"Are you kidding? Miranda, we _kissed_. _Twice_! It doesn't matter who started it. It happened and no amount of word-twisting will change that. You didn't even _tell_ her about it. She's going to want to know why you never said anything. She's going to see the situation as it is: I, you're best friend, kissed you. You enjoyed it. You didn't tell her about it. You want me and just won't admit it to yourself.

"That's a lie," I said, my voice shaky and low.

"Let's go out tonight. Just you and me," Lizzie said. "I'll show you how a _real_ girlfriend acts."

I cringed at the thought. "How is that supposed to make my situation _better_? _'Yeah, Jessica, Lizzie and I kissed. I felt real bad about it so to make it up to you, I went on a date with her._' _That'll_ work," I said sarcastically.

"I'll cut you a deal. You go out with me. And Jessica will never find out about what happened. It'll be as though it _never_ happened."

Lizzie's behavior disgusted me to the point where I didn't even want to be _friends_ with her anymore. Now I had to go out on a _date_ with her? What were my other options? If I didn't go on the date, Lizzie would tell, probably embellish the story, and I'd loose Jessica for sure. I couldn't stand that.

I squeezed the phone tightly in my hand. For a moment, I imagined that Lizzie was in the room with me and I had a strong hold on her neck. I couldn't believe she had brought me to this. "Where and when?" I asked, my voice drenched in anger.


	9. The Date

"I can't come out tonight, Jess," I said after a cough. The beads of sweat racing down my forehead, along with a fake raspy voice, made a rather convincing fever. Nervously, I stood at the opposite side of the door frame as she bought into my lies.

She placed a hand on my forehead. "You _do_ feel warm," she said. "Let me come in. I'll take care of you."

"No," I shouted out, maybe just a little bit too quickly.

She looked at me, startled at my reaction.

"I'm sorry, Jess. It's just that…I don't want you to get sick too. I'm just going to stay home with my parents all day. I'll probably be sleeping most of the time, anyways," I lied. This was killing me.

"Are you ok, Miranda? I mean, _besides_ the fever," she asked.

"What are you talking about? What kind of question is that?" My voice rose a little in panic. Was she on to me?

"It's just that I haven't spoken to you in a while and it's almost as if you're avoiding me," Jessica said. Her eyes became glossy and red. I wanted to tell her not to cry. I don't know why I didn't.

"Why would I be _avoiding_ you?"

"I don't know. You just seemed so _distant_ the other night and…" she faltered as the tears fell down.

"And what?" I asked.

"Well, I came over to see you yesterday and I saw Lizzie walking out of your backyard. What was _that_ all about?"

"That? That was _nothing_. She's my best friend. She probably just came to pick up something she left there. I don't know." I couldn't look her in the eyes. I _refused_ to.

"Miranda, if there's something going on…"

"There's nothing going on," I quickly interrupted her.

She closed her eyes and started again. "If there's something going on you need to tell me, ok? I've never felt this strongly about anyone before and with the way you've been acting lately, it's…it's like your hearts not in it. And if it's _not_, you need to say something because it's not fair. It's not fair to let me fall for you so hard if you won't ever feel the same."

Just great. By trying to make things better, I arguably made them worse. I didn't want to see her cry anymore. At least there was some comfort in knowing that, after tonight, things would go back to normal.

"Believe me, Jess, you have no idea how much I want you. I'd _kiss_ you if I weren't contagious right now."

She began to smile through her tears.

"Why don't you call up Gordo or something? See what _he's_ up to. I'll probably be fine by tomorrow and when I _am_, prepare to have your arteries clogged and you ass kicked at bowling 'cause I'm taking you out." I playfully shoved her.

She shoved back, giggling. "Alright," she said.

It was nice to be back on the somewhat right track. I just had to get through the night.

--------

Later that night, I showed up at The Digital Bean. I made sure to be a few minutes late. _Something_ had to make me feel as if I still had some control. I didn't bother to dress nicely, either. My hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. I wore a plain white t-shirt and faded blue jeans I hadn't worn since the sixth grade.

Lizzie sat on her stool looking rather uncomfortable. I couldn't blame her, looking at her outfit. She came over-dressed in a black mini skirt and tank top. I rolled my eyes. We'd been there a million times in just normal clothes, laughing at stupid stuff for hours. God, how things have changed.

She smiled when she saw me. "Miranda, over here," Lizzie said, patting the stool next to her.

I sat down. "Hey," I said tensely. This was just too weird.

"I thought you weren't going to come for a moment." She breathed a sight of relief before resting a hand on mine. "I'm glad you came, Miranda. This…this means a lot to me."

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to block out the sight of Lizzie's loving gaze. Suddenly, in the back of my mind, I saw her. Those two stunning green eyes looking at me as if I were the only other person in the world. Just for a moment, I could imagine that Jessica was the one sitting with me. Touching my hand…

"Miranda? Miranda?" Lizzie was snapping her fingers in front of my face and I came back to the real word. I had to deal with reality again. "What's going on in there?"

"Nothing," I told her. As if _she_ was ever going to know. Lizzie nodded and I could tell she knew that I was holding out on her, but it didn't bother me.

The night went on for what seemed like hours. My watched proved that it had only been 45 minutes and I groaned at the thought of this lasting any longer. I tried to pass the time by stuffing my face with cheese fries and burgers, but after my second order, I couldn't stand to look at food again.

"So…" Lizzie made another sad attempt at starting a conversation.

I didn't say anything. When will she learn to just stop it? We clearly had nothing to talk about.

"Well, Miranda, I was going to save this for the end of the night, but I think this is as good a time as any to give you this." She reached into her purse and pulled out a small black velvet box.

I opened it to find a gold bracelet with my initials engraved on it.

"It took me a few _thousand_ allowances, but it was worth it," Lizzie said a bit nervously. "Do you like it?"

"It's nice," I said uncaringly.

"Here, let me put it on you," she said with a smile. She obviously didn't catch on to my indifference.

As she put the bracelet on my wrist, I heard a familiar voice.

"I'm glad you're feeling better, Miranda."

I turned my head around to see Jessica and Gordo standing right there. I yanked my arm away from Lizzie, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"Jessica, wait," I yelled as she headed for the door. I grabbed her arm, but she pushed me back.

"Don't," she ordered me. "Just don't!"


End file.
